This poem was sent to us by Pathwise member, Wylde Grace. We can’t thank her enough for sharing this beautiful, touching, personal, heartfelt poem, and it’s our honor to share it with all of you.
For Lynne who dances most gracefully
With love from WyldeGrace
The yard is messy
Last year’s lettuce gone to seed
Planters once full of kale and chard
Now grow dirt
A few weeds wave in the wind
You arrive late
In a cornflower sundress
Tanned and Toned from beach combing
The dog is jumping and barking for love
Jinx paws at the door
Our eyes hug
And I blink back a tear
Hard swallow and a long hug hides the grief
On the phone I listened hard for clues
Your voice softer, less assured
Deferring facts to other minds
You sounded so far away
But in person you shimmer and shine
Maybe not as boldly, but I recognize you
Bright pleading eyes inquire
“Do I seem like I’ve lost it to you?”
And that I cannot affirm
Yet I do feel I have lost a bit of you
Warm saltwater fills my pools
I feel shy, like a first date
Immensely curious, so many questions
I won’t ask
Out of respect
Out of fear
Later, at the party
You sip Rosé quietly
Whilst others entertain and witticize
You chime in, here and there
Measured, but on point
What are words to the slipstream?
There is an elephant dancing in the room
In pink slippers and a fluffy tutu
But we
We talk of teenagers, graduations
Cars and vacations
Laughter erupts regularly
There is a poignancy, unstated
Felt by all
We pray the cocktail helps as we sip fine wine
I lean in and grab your hand
Wonder how this night will end
Reminiscing, I meld into the feeling tone
So many bright minds gathered warmly together
As we have since we were just starting out
Before: innocent, fresh and ready
Now, standing tall in our prime
Nothing in our way
A limit, an idea, a diagnosis
Tethers our dreams, pulls them down
How do you plan for a disintegrating planet?
What hopes can we safely hold
When our own globe falls off its course?
You wonder amidst all this
“Am I keeping up? Am I still tracking?
Do I have anything relevant to share?
Am I making sense?”
All the while watching and managing
Trying hard to not get lost
Like those drawers you labeled by the front door:
One for KEYS
One for WALLET
One for PHONE, etc
I watch as you double, triple check
And then once more, that you’ve got what you need
In the car you suddenly doubt yourself
“Wait, did I forget my phone?!”
Digging worriedly through your purse until you find it
Right where you put it before
That happens to me all the time
We are sharing stories in our fast
Expansive, make up for lost time pace
Some starts don’t get finished
Some are left on the edge
Abandoned for a more urgent, connected thought
In the middle of a major story
I totally lose my way and have to abandon the cause
I carp, ‘see, and I have no medical excuse’
We smile at the inside joke
Have you changed?
You do feel different to me, but very familiar
Like the twin sister of a dear friend I once knew
You seem smaller, more fragile
Tentative and focused
Like you’re trying really hard
To not let anyone notice
That you are walking on
Pins and Needles
For the first time, I feel fear
It’s a palpable transference
But at the same time-
Your force of life
Fierce independence
Strength of being-
They are here too.
I am grieving the loss of you
All our tapes will play to their ends
But yours has been sped up
By a dirty random trick of DNA
Playing at 48 instead of 33
It’s not fair
Maybe it’s not even real
But we hope the cocktail is working
I am jealous now of lost time in the future
We had plans to play together in our old age
Assumed the normal bodily break down:
Stiff hips, sagging skin, fading sight and sound
But our minds, they would intertwine us
Entertain us to the end
I will forget this future
And live for what is now
Already passed beyond minds grasp
I am left with you filling my heart
Sad
Warm
Weepy
Held and Holding
Strong this Bond
